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ROTHENBURGER – Frootloops council tackles crisis of snowless Christmas

Frootloops’ new snowmaking machines will guarantee a white Christmas. (Image: CFJC Today)

THERE IS NO JOY in Frootloops.

With only a few days to go before Christmas, the council gathers to deal with a crisis — no snow. As the newbies mill around trying to find their chairs, Mayor Ken Christmas calls the meeting to order.

CHRISTMAS:Let’s all take our seats, please. Coun. Mike O’Rookie, you’re on the end. Coun. Bill Surprise, you’re on the other side. Let’s all stand for the reading.

MARIA POINSETTIA, Frootloops Reader of the Readings: Your Merriment, today’s reading is from the great philosopher, Arlo Guthrie: “Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?” Thus ends the reading.

CHRISTMAS:Thank you, Miss Poinsettia, inspiring as always. Everyone please remain standing for the singing of our anthem, “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”

POINSETTIA: Sorry, Your Frootcake, we’re not allowed to sing that one anymore because the weather is too warm. We’ve replaced it with “Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow.”

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Mel Blitzenburger wishes everyone a Merry Christmas, whether it’s white, green or brown.

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About Mel Rothenburger (6683 Articles)
ArmchairMayor.ca is a forum about Kamloops and the world. It has more than one million views. Mel Rothenburger is the former Editor of The Daily News in Kamloops, B.C. (retiring in 2012), and past mayor of Kamloops (1999-2005). At ArmchairMayor.ca he is the publisher, editor, news editor, city editor, reporter, webmaster, and just about anything else you can think of. He is grateful for the contributions of several local columnists. This blog doesn't require a subscription but gratefully accepts donations to help defray costs.

4 Comments on ROTHENBURGER – Frootloops council tackles crisis of snowless Christmas

  1. Sally Cornies // December 23, 2018 at 3:58 PM // Reply

    I LOVE Frootloops Council meeting. Keep them coming. Thanks Mel.

  2. Well done and thank you Mel

  3. The lights are dimmed in chambers and a quiet hush falls over the people gathered there. No debates, no raised hands, no Ski Boy or Snow Princess; just one glowing ember from a symbolic lump of coal.
    Somewhere in the managers’ section, a rustle is heard as one rises to a standing position. A “tap-tap-tap” of a pen on the desk draws the attention of Mayor and Council, much like the conductor of a choir.
    “Listen closely, boys and girls”, someone says as music is softly played over the intercom system.
    “Let us join together as we sing, “White Christmas”. The angelic streams of a female quartet are quickly followed by the sounds of Kleenex tissues being taken from small packets to dry the tears of those listening.
    The sound of hoofs on the roof bring everyone to their senses and such a racket is heard as a jolly old elf trips over a new piece of carpet laid since he was a familiar face in chambers. So much for a quiet entrance.
    “Is there a motion to adjourn?” asks the jolly old elf.
    “You are out of order, your elfish”, says a newbie from the darkened chambers.
    “I move to adjourn”, says Dale of the East. “I second the motion”, says the member from the North. “All in favour” as all hands are raised.
    “May your days be merry and bright!”, from the jolly old elf.
    “And may all your Christmases be white”, from the host of Christmas present.

    (I think I must have had a sip of the same stuff you were drinking, Mel. Thanks for the annual chuckle!

  4. Shayne Turner // December 22, 2018 at 2:14 PM // Reply

    Mel… what have you been stuffing in that pipe… Merry Christmas

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