I HAVE A FEELING that the number of bathroom scales along with their daily use in Canada is the primary reason why so many of us are overweight.
We have too many bathroom scales, probably more than any other country. And it doesn’t take a scientist or doctor to see that obesity is directly linked to the overuse of those scales.
Think of the man of nearly 25,000 lies and believer in the virus killing capacities of hydroxychloroquine. He tells us that COVID-19 will just magically go away if his country would stop testing for the virus. Obviously a very smart man and using his logic, we will shed those pounds if we simply stop checking our weight.
This self-baptised Stable Genius who believes in the curative powers of injecting or swallowing disinfectants, feels the only roadblocks to our overweight salvation are knowledge, truth and facts.
I badly want to believe the Commander in Con but little things like his reliance on medical advice from the demon-sperm doctor and fire-breathing preacher, Stella Immanuel, make it difficult to fully commit to his ideas.
However, the Stable Genius of voodoo witchery who believes in the existence of alien DNA and lizard people also believes magic and not science will simply make the COVID virus disappear.
It is these little scientific missteps that make it difficult, although not impossible to renounce the science that has so doggedly fooled me for so many years.
Maybe denial is the redemption we have all been seeking. Can simply renouncing fact be the magic bullet we have been looking for?
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice of the free world believes the repudiation of fact and science is our chocolate covered, cream filled donut pathway to saying goodbye to those last few extra pounds. And god I so love fresh donuts.
The Don of Deceit could issue an Executive Order today that with a stroke of his oversized (compensating for something) Sharpie pen, ban bathroom scales and magically eliminate all the health concerns of an overweight society.
He acknowledges that the medical benefits achieved through renunciation won’t be an easy road to travel, having already confessed to the Washington Post in 2017 that: “Nobody knew health-care could be so complicated.”
However, accepting his truths while acknowledging my limits of knowledge, my doubts and even my ignorance were made easier when the Tactful Trump explained in a Tweet: “Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”
Thanks Donny Boy, Man Child in Chief; your words of comfort have made me feel better but not quite as good as the box of extra large, chocolate glazed donuts I just demolished.
Bill McQuarrie is a former magazine publisher, photojournalist and entrepreneur. Semi-retired and now living in Port McNeill, you can follow him on Instagram #mcriderbc or reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.