TO THOSE WHO ASK why I write, I often say it’s cheaper than seeing a therapist. In most cases, I can usually count on the familiar feel of a keyboard and the expectant flashing of the cursor on an empty page to bring calm and ordered thought.
Fortunately, as I saw the archived files load on my screen, I couldn’t help but smile as I noticed the dates and realized today’s column marks the start of my sixth year writing under the Armchair Mayor banner.
Somewhere around 240 columns ago and over that time, I have been called pretty much every name in the book and once, even encouraged to ‘leave town or else.’
There have been compliments, too, and I’ve even managed to change a few minds and make a few friends along the way. However, it is being called names that brings me the greatest satisfaction and pleasure.
When someone’s swearing and yelling are the response to what I have written, it means one of two things. They were either so ignorant as to be incapable of writing a coherent sentence without upper-casing F this and F that; or I was right and they have no counter to my argument other than the same sequence of F words.
Today, though, as a way to mark the start of year six, I feel the time is right to call out some of you. You know who I mean but I’ll direct it to that one generic person who sums up your combined selfish, all about me, ignorance.
The one who is finally able to come up with compound words and thinks I’m insulted when called a ‘left wing, socialist, nutcase.’ It’s the one who believes they are the first clever one ever to demand I stop flying or not drive or heat my home if I’m so against fossil fuels.
Starting with the easy one first, let me tell you why I’m still forced to use oil. The main reason is that halfwits – who deny the science – have done everything they can to obstruct the development of alternatives.
If you had stopped mouthing off, stopped bullying child advocates, got out of the way and allowed others to work at making those alternatives a reality; I’d likely not be using oil today.
If you are so against science and those educated, liberal-minded, snowflake, elitists, why not get a truck convoy going to protest and stop research into cures for such killers as cancer and heart disease.
It’s the same scientists still doing stuff you know nothing about, who despite the obvious hate-on you have for them, continue to find ways to keep you healthy and alive.
So once you stop taking the medicines and treatments that have been making your life liveable, I’ll stop flying and driving and look into why their work on climate change is a anti-conservative conspiracy and so bad for our planet.
As for being that leftist? Yes, I am and you should thank all those others before me for making what would otherwise be your miserable life, into a better, safer and wealthier life.
Those socialists got you the union that got you the benefits that mean, among other things, your teeth aren’t falling out from decay and your pension will provide for an excellent retirement.
Because of those lefties, you are making an obscene amount of money at jobs that would otherwise be paying a couple of bucks, with no overtime, shift differential, sick pay, maternity leave and so on.
And forget employment insurance, that’s just a useless gravy train for layabouts, so you’re on your own when your plant moves to another country and your job disappears.
Using your classy turn of a phrase…”Those F—ing socialists are a useless, lazy bunch of good for nothings who are recklessly trying to protect your rights,” right?
If the policies of the left are so bad, give up using your free Medicare and then try and come up with a couple of hundred thousand dollars to pay for your cancer treatment and follow-up course of drug therapy that will go on for decades.
Fail to find the money and you die. After all and going by your stated spending beliefs, my money should never be used to support you or any member of your family. That’s life without those damn lefties interfering and caring about your well-being.
Maybe it is time to stop mouthing off at those who have made life better, safer and healthier for you. Maybe it is time to stop swearing at and belittling those who do the research that ends up saving your life.
Maybe it is time to appreciate society as a whole instead of your tiny, insular, selfish and insignificant world that contributes nothing to that society but doesn’t hesitate to slurp up all those socialist goodies you so despise.
I’m mad as hell and welcome to year six – I’m not going away!
Bill McQuarrie is a former magazine publisher, photojournalist and entrepreneur. Semi-retired and now living in Port McNeill, you can follow him on Instagram #mcriderbc or reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.