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LIFESTYLES – Love thy neighbour? Well, maybe not always

Good fences make for good neighbours. Well, it doesn’t always work. (Image: Armchair Mayor photo)

SOME NEIGHBOURS are great. You visit over the fence, call when you need help and pitch in when the hard work needs to get done.

But not all our neighbours are so fabulous.

My son has a frustrating renter and a messy neighbour. The renter’s dog barks constantly. There are truck parts in the alley and somehow this renter never manages to make it all the way to the back with the garbage bag. The neighbour has eight children, four of whom drive, so parking is an incredible annoyance. And a shed built by the children in shop class years ago was never finished. Hoarded tires, scrap metal and toys round pile up in the yard.

I once had a neighbour who would send her child over looking for dinner items. It would have been cute but he often came in quick succession to borrow all the groceries needed to make supper. Once we came home from a camping trip to find her exiting our house with crackers and cheese.

Dealing with neighbour issues can be dicey. You’re annoyed and yet you don’t want to come across as being the difficult one. Every time you come home and can’t park in front of your house, you wish the neighbour would simply move away. But they never do.

So before things get violent like the Hatfields and McCoys, start communicating with your neighbours.

I get that you’re busy with work, shuttling the children and hibernating with Netflix. But if you don’t say something to your neighbour, why should they stop whatever they do that bothers you? Maybe they’re not even aware there’s a problem. And phoning in anonymous complaints to the bylaw department will only create endless frustration and irritation for both of you.

Bad neighbours are a fact of life, but before you end up in a feud or calling the bylaw officer, there are a few things you can do to find peace

Instead of allowing resentment to build, assume good intent. Most people want to avoid being those neighbours. They may truly not be aware of the problem. Perhaps their little dog yaps all day when they’re at work. Perhaps their children kick the soccer ball against the shared fence, damaging the vine you’ve so carefully nurtured on your side.

The first step is letting them know about the problem in a friendly manner. “I don’t know if you’re aware, but. …” There’s no need to be confrontational.

When you do approach your neighbour, don’t come armed with a list of things you find irritating. Decide what’s a minor irritant and what really needs to be – and can be – fixed.

Once you’ve aired your concerns, give your neighbour time to remedy the problem. Don’t stop by twice a day with an expectant expression on your face or begin erecting that three-metre fence.

Whatever the problem, keep a record of the issue and what’s been done. If there’s still no action, speak with other neighbours to present a united front.

If the issues are more serious, check to see if your neighbour is violating municipal bylaws. Bylaws can run from excessive noise to unsightly premises. Know where you stand legally. If you’re unsure of how to proceed, call your municipality to get more information.

But before you decide on initiating a legal sanction, let your neighbour know you’re prepared to take that step.

And there’s always the final option: move to the Caribbean. Sun, sand, undulating ocean waves and blue, blue sky every day. Of course, you may end up moving in beside a neighbour who has very unkempt premises, blasts music and lets the tropical vines grow rampant.

But at least you’ll have a spectacular view!

Conflict coach Faith Wood is a novelist and professional speaker who focuses on helping groups and individuals navigate conflict, shift perceptions and improve communications. She lives in Vernon.

© 2017 Distributed by Troy Media

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About Mel Rothenburger (4703 Articles)
ArmchairMayor.ca is a forum about Kamloops and the world. It has more than one million views. Mel Rothenburger is the former Editor of The Daily News in Kamloops, B.C. (retiring in 2012), and past mayor of Kamloops (1999-2005). At ArmchairMayor.ca he is the publisher, editor, news editor, city editor, reporter, webmaster, and just about anything else you can think of. He is grateful for the contributions of several local columnists. This blog doesn't require a subscription but gratefully accepts donations to help defray costs.

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