If you want to know what’s going on, you’ll have to go on down to the supermarket

MONDAY MORNING EDITORIAL — There are many important things going on in this world, but the ones that really count are available in the lineup at the super market.

The Armchair Mayor made the trip there on Sunday for a few essentials and caught up on the good stuff. The Obamas are getting a divorce. Barack is getting totally disgusted with Michelle’s spending sprees and kicked her out of the bedroom. Or maybe it was Michelle who kicked him out because he’s fooling around — either way, they are now secretly living apart.

When I asked the cashier if she knew about this, she looked surprised.

And, did you know, Kris Jenner is in a porno flick? (The guy who says he has the tape wants $1 million). And that LeAnn Rimes is broke and all alone?

There was more but, unfortunately, the person at the front of the lineup didn’t have very many groceries. A little more time, and I could have learned about who’s pregnant and abandoned, who’s gained too much weight, who’s been destroyed by fame, the best and worst beach bodies, and the woman who married a shark.

These things are not making CNN, which is preoccupied with the missing Malaysian airplane. CBC is all about Stephen Harper trying to play tough with Vladimir. CFJC? Their big story of the week was about the mayor making a speech to the chamber of commerce.

We’ve come to take the tabloids for granted, but if you want to know what’s going on you have to go to the supermarket. Forget the blogosphere and the Twitterverse. Just go on down to the store and get a quart of milk and a loaf of bread and check out the latest right there on the rack as you wait in line at the checkout.

Or maybe the Armchair Mayor News has to do a little more digging.