ROTHENBURGER – Thank you, Lord, for giving us more places to buy $5 coffee and $40 wine

BIG, BIG WEEK for news in the ‘Loops.

I’m not talking about Terry Lake’s four-point plan to bring in more doctors. Nor even about the man on the roof in the 300-400 block Victoria Street.

In case you missed it, he was helped down to the ground yesterday afternoon. This reminds me of the famous hat-in-a-tree story from Bilton, England. Seems the head garment was espied in a tree by a Bilton resident who got it down with a stick and turned it in. It was on the front page of the local paper, but I digress.

This isn’t about health care, men on rooftops or hats in trees. It’s about a new Starbucks at the corner of McGill and Columbia. One new Starbucks trumps a couple of new healthcare centres every time, news-wise.

If my arithmetic is correct, that will bring the number of Starbucks in the Tournament Capital to an even 10, which is roughly one Starbucks per 8,000 or 9,000 of us. It doesn’t seem like nearly enough, because God only knows we need more places to buy $5 cups of coffee, but it’s progress.

Presumably, there was a backlog of people without access to coffee bistros in which to sit with their laptops or read The Girl on the Train.

The country that brought the world Tim Hortons also leads the world with the most Starbucks. Toronto has the most Starbucks in Canada, with 160. But metro Toronto’s population is roughly 6 million, which means they have a paltry one Starbucks per 37,500 inhabitants. And they think they’re the centre of the universe.

We are truly blessed here at home.

I pause here to mention that this is the kind of important research I do for your benefit.

But wait, there’s more.

Yesterday marked the opening of the VQA wine “store” in the Sahali Save-On Foods. It was, as I tweeted, a very popular place, because if we need more places to buy $5 coffee, we certainly need to broaden our selection of establishments in which to pay $40 for a bottle of wine.

I have nothing against selling expensive wine in a grocery store, and believe we can handle it without turning into socially irresponsible drunkards. Who would argue, either, that we don’t need another wine store 80s steps across the parking lot from a major B.C. Liquor store in which VQA wines sit on shelves alongside everyday plonk? Obviously, there was a gap that needed filling.

These are the kinds of problems we face, and so courageously solve, in today’s Canada — sunny ways, my friends. I wonder what they’ll think when the news arrives in Aleppo (I know, I know, what’s a Leppo? If you don’t know the answer, you should run for president of the United States).

As they read this in Syria, will they take a moment away from trying to stay alive, wondering where to find enough water and food for the day, plug their ears from the bombing, and silently celebrate with us that we have solved our shortage of lattes and homegrown Chardonnay?

And what will the Syrians think when they discover that the most serious issue facing Canadian democracy at the moment is trying to decide whether we should hold a referendum on changing the way we elect politicians, or just let a committee do it?

Ceasefire, anyone?

armchairmayor@gmail.com