KNOX — Some valuable tax-filing tips

Jack Knox first began paying taxes as a young man working for The Kamloops News. He now works (and, we assume, pays his taxes on time) at the Victoria Times Colonist.

COLUMN — A message from the Canadian Revenue Agency/Agence de Gougement.

Dear Taxpayer/Cher Victime,

The deadline for most Canadians to file their 2014 tax returns is April 30. Before you prepare your return, you should be aware of several changes to this year’s guide.

• First, the Harper government’s long-anticipated family tax cut has been implemented, using income-splitting to bring up to $2,000 in relief to low-income couples earning $380,000 or more.

Tax Tip: You can maximize your income-splitting savings by marrying the nanny.

• New for 2015, all senators claiming to live in Prince Edward Island must provide proof of residence.

• Also new for 2015, those applying for the Scientific Research Tax Credit will be burned at the stake as witches.

• As part of its Family First efforts, the government of B.C. has introduced a tax credit on children’s sports equipment that works out to a savings of $12.65 per kid. Really, $12.65. That’s like a Big Mac, fries and two pucks. Next stop: the NHL.

• As part of its Politicians First efforts, the Harper government will continue to reward a $200 political donation with a 75 per cent tax credit. The same donation to a registered charity will earn a 15 per cent tax credit. Really. We’re not making this up.

Tax Tip: A six- or seven-figure donation to the B.C. Liberals can bring you Crown land at favourable rates.

• Those donating to environmental groups such as the David Suzuki Foundation and Greenpeace will continue to receive a federal charitable tax credit, but must enter the amount on line 43322 of Schedule 1 to calculate their Enemy of the State Pipeline Security Surcharge.

Just kidding. This is an example of the madcap humour for which we at the Canada Revenue Agency/Agence de Gougement are famous. There is no Enemy of the State Pipeline Security Surcharge. Yet.

• Line 330, Medical Expenses. To determine your deduction, enter the lesser of A) the cost of all prescription drugs, multiplied by the number of months you have spent on a surgical waiting list, or B) $15.

Tax Tip: Medical marijuana qualifies as a medical expense. Crystal meth does not.

• Form T4011 — Preparing Returns For Deceased Persons. Due to privacy concerns, only the deceased person may now file this form. If you are the deceased person, please retain documentary evidence as you may be required to prove you remain dead in future years. (Don’t laugh. Veterans Affairs made a wounded soldier prove his legs hadn’t grown back.)

Tax Tip: You might also want to refer to information sheet RC4111, What To Do Following A Death. Step one: Lie down.

• Form T7777, Employment Expenses. When asked to estimate the cost of going to work, please refrain from replying “dignity, self-respect and another little piece of my soul, every day.”

Tax Tip: This also applies to Schedule 2’s Amounts Transferred to a Spouse.

• Line 305, Eligible Dependents. When asked to name all the dependents you support, do not say “Thomas Mulcair, Elizabeth May, another damn Trudeau, the Senate, 250,000 freeloading civil servants, 15,000 prison inmates and every pinko at the CBC.”

Likewise, all claims for “LIEING $TEPHEN HARPER AND HI$ FREIND$ IN BIG OIL” will be rejected.

• Line 412, Investment tax credit. Eligibility for the mineral exploration tax credit has been extended to flow-through share agreements entered into before April 2015. Don’t worry, we don’t know what that means, either.

• Before submitting your return, ensure that all personal information on page one has been entered correctly, or that you at least got your spouse’s birthday right without having to ask.

Tax Tip: When your spouse changes her marital status on her return from “married” to “it’s complicated,” start treating her better.

Tax Tip: When we ask for your SIN number, this does not refer to your tally of sexual encounters in the 2014 tax year. Also, we think Hank Fleezle of Port Alberni is exaggerating.

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