EDITORIAL — Put Throne Speech out of its misery

EDITORIAL — Traditions are a good thing — they keep us in touch with our past.

But, sometimes, they outlive their usefulness. The delivery of the Speech from the Throne by the Governor General — or, in the case of provincial Legislatures, the Lieutenant Governor — is one of them.

In the old, old days, the King/ Queen would call the royal lawmakers together every once in awhile and tell them what he/she wanted them to do or, more accurately, what he/she intended to do whether they liked it or not.

The Governor General and Lieutenant Governor, being representatives of the monarch, did the job in the colonies on the King or Queen’s behalf. Now, though, the prime minister or premier writes the Speech.

As a consequence, the Speech from the Throne is simply a 30-minute unpaid commercial for the government. Take Tuesday’s Speech in Victoria read by Lt.-Gov. Judith Guichon. Please. Not only is it a 21-hyperbole salute to the B.C. Liberals, but it’s so bloated with cliches it would make an English Literature professor blush.

“Your government,” it says time after time, is doing wonderful things. “Your government is delivering.”

People “must have their say,” it says. Thank goodness.

Did you know there’s only one taxpayer? Yes, only one. In fact, a whole section of the Speech is actually headlined “ONE TAXPAYER.”

If you thought there were thousands of taxpayers with different needs and different abilities to pay, read this eye-opener:

“Members, fiscal responsibility must extend beyond core provincial government.

“We can never forget: there is only one taxpayer.

“In 2013 your government proposed a balanced budget. And delivered.

“In 2014 your government proposed a balanced budget. And delivered.

“Your government will start 2015 by proposing a balanced budget.

“It will deliver a balanced budget.”

So, we’re going to see a balanced budget, paid for by one taxpayer. But the Speech leaves the best part for the end. Here’s how we achieve all this success:

“It means staying true to our principles.

“It means sticking to the plan.

“It will not always be easy.

“It will take a lot of hard work.

“I know you are up to the task.

“We are ready to walk the long road ahead of us.

“To build a better, more fair and sustainable province.

“A more prosperous province.

“One with no insiders and outsiders, with no winners and losers.

“Just British Columbians.”

Seriously, all in separate sentences and paragraphs, too.

Yes, friends, we must work hard.

It won’t always be easy.

But we are up to the challenge.

We have a plan.

It’s a long and rocky path we must take to move forward to a level playing field.

Together we can hit a home run.

We’re all winners.

Frankly, and with all due respect.

At the end of the day.

Cripes, if the prime minister and premiers want to guild the legislative lily with pixie dust, by all means, let them sit in a big armchair in front of MPs or MLAs and say anything they want, but don’t make the poor person they’ve appointed to a wonderfully ceremonial job recite this junk like a bedtime story.