Knox — Not all the criticism of columnist was constructive

Jack Knox once wrote for the Kamloops Daily News and now writes for the Victoria Times-Colonist, though it’s obvious by the comments below that not everyone appreciates it.

COLUMN — To whoever stuck the adhesive googlie eyes on my newspaper-box photo outside the Super 8 hotel: That was pretty funny.

To whoever mailed in my mug shot doodled into different characters: That was pretty creative.

To whoever told me “why don’t you do the world a favour and have a [bleeping] heart attack”: Somebody needs a hug.

Yes, it’s time for the annual collection of letters from people who, upon reading this column, found more faults than a Californian seismologist. New this year were those graphic artists who decided to improve my appearance.

Alas, some of the written reaction was less constructive.

• An off-the-wall fictitious history of Victoria didn’t sit well with some.

“I write to offer my condolences on the demise of Jack Knox’s journalistic credibility,” wrote an Oak Bay man. “His latest piece makes it clear that the wretched man has now lapsed into a well of unintelligible patronizing dementia, indicating immediate cremation of his frenzied scribblings is all that the future can hold. If, however, he is to perpetuate his unsavoury and offensive bombardment of civilized folk in order to alleviate his own now sad irrelevance, then perhaps transportation to some distant obscure midden, better suited to his pathetic unfunny ways, would be a kindness.”

Another reader, commenting on the same column, was more succinct: “Nice creative writing, douchebag.”

• A piece that tallied Rob Ford’s various apologies drew this rebuke: “Rob Ford, despite his problems, is a decent mayor and a proud Canadian. At least he supports the troops more than the average municipal official.” I’ll remember to wave a flag next time I’m caught smoking crack.

• My failure to condemn the Luxton rodeo got me gored: “I am sure that the Romans thought that feeding the Christians to lions was entertaining but society would never allow that to take place today.”

• After the Times Colonist bid farewell to another columnist, a Facebook poster offered an alternative: “The paper would have done a great service if it had got rid of Jack Knox.” The comment would have been unremarkable had it not been from a journalism school instructor.

• During soccer’s World Cup, I lamented Canada’s inability to advance past the early rounds, writing: “Mostly, we get knocked out early in the qualifying stage, losing a key game to one of those Central American countries where they change governments at halftime and the average annual income is a goat.”

To which one reader replied: “Hi, I’m Jack Knox. I’m not really a racist, I just write like one for the newspaper.”

On the other hand, a Thanksgiving column that poked fun at Victorians’ sense of entitlement earned this: “OK, OK, we don’t need more white guilt.”

Meanwhile, my assertion that the phrase “drunken Scottish soccer fans” was redundant drew the ire of a Scot who noted that Vancouver’s Stanley Cup rioters weren’t exactly teetotallers. He also pointed out that Knox is a Scottish name, though it is “not that well thought of in the land of the heather.”

• When I moaned about the lack of provincial government money for Island transportation projects, this came from Port Moody: “Stop whining about lack of provincial funding for road upgrades. When you vote Communist/NDP on your beloved island, with all those ‘global warming’ experts (hi, Andrew in Oak Bay), well, that’s what you get, Jack baby.”

• When I accused Ottawa of trying to muzzle pipeline opponents: “Really, Jack, I expected better of you. Didn’t realize you were an eco-Taliban puppet.”

• A Campbell River reader sideswiped me while aiming at the “inane comments” of driving columnist Steve Wallace: “Your latest suggests you might want to consider retirement as you tumble into the levels of Jack Knox.” It’s nice to be the comparative benchmark for crappiness, like Hitler or the Ford Edsel.

• One reader was offended when I turned up my nose at the Christmas cakes that family used to mail: “That someone went to the time and expense to make a Christmas cake and send it to one’s relatives … only to have them suggest they would rather eat carpet underlay, is just plain rude and ungrateful.”

• Fans of vintage counterculture comics will appreciate this chiding: “Something must be done about your ongoing references to the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers. I am a great fan of Gilbert Shelton’s work, but this is B.C., not San Francisco. We don’t have the Freak Brothers here. We have Harold Hedd.”

Hedd, you may remember, was the banjo-playing stoner featured in a Georgia Straight cartoon strip in the early 1970s. Actually, if you read the Straight in the early ’70s, you probably don’t remember much at all.

• Sometimes it was hard to hang on to the thread, as with this letter to the editor: “I would like to criticize the letter that criticizes the letter criticizing Jack Knox on his stand concerning the Northern Gateway pipeline.”

Likewise, this note arrived after last year’s collection of reader responses was published: “I read your column last week about all of your readers who were offended by columns you wrote in 2013. It occurred to me that I wasn’t once offended all year. Considering the effort you put into offending everyone, I was offended that you didn’t even try to offend me. Realizing that you had finally offended me, I felt much better.”

Glad to help. In all sincerity, I’m in a privileged position and am grateful for all those who take the time to read and write.

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