Evans — Parents aren’t always to blame for what their kids do

Kara Evans is a Kamloops mother who writes on parenting for The Armchair Mayor News.

COLUMN — Early last week, headlines were made when the window of a Salmon Arm elementary school was broken and a fire was started inside one of the classrooms. Luckily, the blaze was quickly extinguished and no charges were laid. Oh yeah, and the culprits? They were 10, 8, and 6 years old.

In the case of these three youths, to say “kids will be kids” may be stretching it, but to assume all the blame is on their parents would be unfair. Reading through the comments left on the story posted on the Salmon Arm Observer’s website, the blame was almost entirely placed on the parents.

“Who was caring for these children? How did they have flammable material with them?” writes one commenter. “Charge the parents with child neglect and endangerment,” writes another.

I’m not attempting to write a news story here, but rather shed some light on another aspect of parenting: how much control should parents have over their children?

In the case of these three kids, we cannot just assume that the parents didn’t know where their kids were. When I was growing up I was only a five-minute walk away from the elementary school. If I had told my parents that I was going to the school to play on the playground, they most likely wouldn’t have second-guessed me, especially if I wasn’t going alone.

And as far as obtaining flammable materials, whose parent’s didn’t have some kind of combustible product just lying around in the garage? Short of locking everything potentially dangerous item you own away and throwing away the key, it there’s a will, there’s a way.

But I’m getting away from the point I’m trying to make. In almost all cases, we cannot protect or prevent our children from doing or causing harm, whether it is to themselves or others. Unless we keep them in a bubble-wrapped room 24-7 and don’t allow them to leave the house, we can only put our trust in what we explain as right and wrong.

Even when we do try to explain the difference between the two, kids will always be curious and want to try to figure things out for themselves anyway. If they take a mile when you only give them an inch, it’s time to readdress the way you guide them to make the right life choices.

As parents, we can only hover so much without facing resentment from our kids. We have to be able to put some trust into them and allow them to sometimes learn things the hard way. I know I will probably never earn the Parent of the Year award, but I know that in the future my kids will probably learn from their mistakes if they choose to disregard my advice. Even at the age of two, my daughter has already heard me say, “Well, what did I tell you?” more than once.

Really, in the end, we’ll never have full control over our children. We can only rely on what we’ve taught them and hope that they at least think twice before doing something they perhaps shouldn’t be.

While the three Salmon Arm children were lucky enough to not have any charges laid against them, it is almost certain that they learned an important life lesson. When you’re given an inch, just take it and be thankful for that inch.

Kara Evans tweets from @KaraEvs and blogs on http://www.shewriteswords.com.