Knox — With the teachers out, we’ll fill in with a quiz

COLUMN — Former Kamloops newspaper guy Jack Knox now writes for the Victoria Times-Colonist.

Good morning, class. With B.C.’s public school teachers on strike, it seemed appropriate to fill the void with a current affairs quiz.

• Teachers have the right to strike, but the government has the power to legislate them back to work whenever it wants. This is like:

A) A hockey game where one of the teams is also the referee

B) Robbing a bank with a gun that the banker knows is empty

C) Watching Groundhog Day for the 14th time

D) Old war, new cannon fodder

• A gunman killed a student and shot a teacher in a school in Troutdale, Oregon. There have been 74 school shootings in the U.S. since 20 children and six adults were gunned down in Connecticut’s Sandy Hook Elementary School in December 2012. The U.S. should:

A) Continue to equate “gun nuttery” with “freedom”

B) Stand up to the National Rifle Association (then quickly take cover)

C) Ban firearms

D) Ban schools

• In Vancouver, one man shot another before himself being wounded in a shoot out with police. In Yaletown, the daughter of a Real Housewives of Vancouver star was shot at a gas station, and a 33-year-old was shot to death on his doorstep. We should:

A) Ban firearms

B) Widen the Strait of Georgia

C) Raise ferry fares from the mainland

D) Stop being so smug about the U.S.

• About 80 Thetis Lake swimmers suffered a severe bout of gastrointestinal illness likely spread by a swimmer with norovirus. Should the Capital Regional District Parks’ new slogan be:

A) “Come for the camping, stay for the cramping”

B) “You thought Jaws was scary?”

C) “Just like Mexico, without the airfare”

D) “Who needs Jenny Craig?”

• At the Victoria HarbourCats’ home opener Wednesday, a yoga instructor led the crowd during the seventh-inning stretch. Future games will feature:

A) A roll-up mat for home plate

B) Lululemon baseball pants

C) “Play ball” out, “Namaste” in

D) What did the yogi say to the Royal Athletic Park hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”

• Which will actually get built first?

A) The Northern Gateway pipeline

B) A bridge to the mainland

C) A sewage treatment plant in Esquimalt

D) The blockades

• The governor of Washington state is angry about Victoria’s lack of sewage treatment. The Americans will retaliate by:

A) Cancelling our Seahawks tickets

B) Making us take Justin Bieber back

C) Launching a drone strike on Mr. Floatie

D) Sending in the USS Nimitz… OH MY GAWD LOOK AT THE WATERFRONT IT’S ALREADY HERE!

• The USS Nimitz is here with a crew of almost 2,200. That makes it:

A) Larger than any ship in the Royal Canadian Navy

B) Slightly smaller than Jimmy Pattison’s yacht

C) Christmas in June for any shop selling Cuban cigars

D) The capital region’s 14th municipality

• The CBC’s 62-year ownership of Hockey Night in Canada came to an end as the Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley Cup. Your reaction is:

A) “So what? They’ll still show the games.”

B) “I’m sad, because the CBC is Canada’s broadcaster and hockey is Canada’s game.”

C) “Nothing says ‘Canada’s game’ like California in mid-June.”

D) “Woo hoo! Here come Wayne & Shuster Saturdays!”

• Citing a lack of interest, Colwood council has reversed a decision to place an amalgamation question on the ballot in November’s municipal election.

A) How do you know who’s interested unless you ask the question?

B) Don’t ask a question if you might not like the answer

C) Anyone know where the Langford-Colwood border is? Bueller? Bueller?

D) Maybe residents want a North Colwood and a Central Colwood, too

• Rush hour bus-and-bike lanes were introduced to a stretch of Douglas Street on Monday. They are:

A) Nine blocks and three hours long, twice a day

B) Three blocks and two hours long, nine times a day

C) Already full of cars ignoring the rules

D) Perfectly safe for cyclists. You go first.

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