A Sophie’s choice between IHA, lightning
I’ve been checking the mail with rapt anticipation the past few days for The Letter.
No, I’m not talking about our MP’s mailer that includes her latest scientific poll on “How wonderful do you think the Conservative government is? Simply wonderful? Incredibly wonderful? Out of this world wonderful?”
Nor am I talking about a letter from Santa telling me I’ve been a good boy all year and can expect a shiny new red sports car under the tree come Christmas morning.
I’m talking about The Letter from the Interior Health Authority, which I expect will go something like this:
Dear Mr. Rothenburger:
You may recall that, earlier this year, we had the pleasure of having you visit Royal Inland Hospital for a checkup of the ol’ plumbing system, which confirmed that everything “in there” is tickety boo. We trust you enjoyed your time with us.
Recently it was brought to our attention that we’ve been neglecting to put those little TV cameras we use for such things through the spin-rinse cycle and they may not have been as spic and span as they should be. Oops.
We just wanted to let you know so that if you happen to come down with anything in the way of a nasty complication or life-threatening disease, we can provide you with a full refund of your parking fee or, at least, an HST rebate.
Meantime, from all of us here at your friendly health-care system, all the best to you and yours during this special time of year. Hoping to be of service again in the near future, we remain,
Interior Health Authority
It may seem to you that writing about such a thing is like going on the Jerry Springer show confessing to be an albino transexual who’s been cheating with your best friend’s sister’s cousin.
Let me assure you, though, that once one has had one’s nethermost regions explored by a tiny TV camera while three incredibly cheerful nurses and a female physician assure you everything is going swimmingly, there’s no remnant of dignity to remain concerned about.
First, they offer you a choice from an appealing selection of tranquillizers (my favourite is Valium) to put you in the right mood, then fire up an air hose and pump you up like a B.F. Goodrich radial to make sure there are no snags, so to speak.
And then…. but I must apologize. I shouldn’t spoil it for any of you guys out there who haven’t yet had the experience.
Back to the point. IHA announced this week its endoscopy equipment had a bit of a cleanliness issue over the past two and a half years, while letting everyone know the danger of infection is less than being struck by lightning.
A letter of assurance has been mailed out to patients who have had endoscopic procedures during the period in question, and they’re also being advised through the media to call the IHA’s information line if they have questions.
Which is what I did yesterday, where I left a voice message and never heard back. So, without the letter, and no phone call, I’m left to ponder the chances of being struck by lightning or by a life-threatening infection from the health authority.
The difference between the two is that nobody sends out letters telling you not to worry about being struck by lightning, so we don’t all go around thinking about it. Now that I know about the IHA’s latest “dirty tools” problem I am, of course, thinking about it.
What the IHA doesn’t understand, of course, is that there’s no reassurance in being told your odds are one in a million as opposed to, say, one in a thousand. One way or another, you’re in the game.
Not naturally being prone to a lot of worry, I don’t think I’ll waste a lot of time calculating my chances of survival at the hands of our friends at the IHA, but if I ever have to deal with another surgical instrument or piece of equipment, I’m going to make sure it’s been well-scrubbed.
And if offered a choice between lightning and the IHA, I’ll definitely lean towards the lightning.
mrothenburger@kamloopsnews.ca
ArmchairMayor.ca 
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