An appeal to Grouchy, BenDover and bigwindbag

Armchair Mayor column Saturday, May 8, 2010, The Kamloops Daily News

Modern technology is wonderful.

Our ancestors had to communicate by fax. Nowadays, we receive more letters to the editor by email than we do through Canada Post.

Now, though, you don’t even have to email it in. You can simply post a comment on a newspaper website, and it appears almost instantly.

Nicknames are fine. It’s not necessary to be accurate, polish up your writing skills, or even to be polite, because no one will know who you are anyway.

I enjoy a well-crafted rebuttal, a rapier comeback, a quick linguistic thrust as well as the next person. Freedom of expression is a wonderful thing, but sometimes I wish it weren’t quite so free. We’re losing our knack for respectful debate. I hate to harp and whine on this point, but we’re becoming an anonymous society where people don’t have to stand behind what they say.

The instantaneous and anonymous environment of newspaper websites, including our own, encourages, shall we say, a little too much candor. Those who post comments all too often lose their focus and end up insulting each other instead of analyzing the issue. If someone disagrees with you, well, that person must be an “idiot” or a “loser” who’s “off his meds” and should “go back to bed.”

In searching for clues as to why this is and what to do about it, I came across mentions of a book by Dr. Pier Massimo Forni called Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct.

Forni has appeared on Oprah, but don’t hold that against him. He co-founded the John Hopkins Civility Project in 1997 to examine the importance of politeness in contemporary society.

“To learn how to be happy we must learn how to live well with others, and civility is a key to that,” he writes in his book. “Through civility we develop thoughtfulness, foster effective self- expression and communication, and widen the range of our benign responses.”

Forni’s thoughts focus on everyday rudeness, as opposed to what I’d call pro-active rudeness. On the one hand, there’s stupid driving, loud parties, coughing in front of someone without covering your mouth, or answering your phone in a movie theatre. Those are all examples of lack of consideration for others.

On the other hand, this Internet thing goes well beyond passive rudeness to seeking opportunities to be mean.

Forni notes that a combination of stress and anonymity can breed rudeness. I’ve always been intrigued by people who always seem hostile, who are incapable of discussing without expressing their deep-seated anger, who can’t disagree without raising the volume and degenerating into insult.

Some angry people are comfortable in the spotlight, but many control and channel their opinions if everyone knows who they are. It’s human nature to be more polite when you face someone than when that person can’t see you and doesn’t know your name.

Website commenters too often forget at least two of Forni’s 25 rules — respect others’ opinions and give constructive criticism.

If people had to sign their names, as they do in printed letters to the editor, I’m convinced the level of respect would go up, and so would the quality of debate.

Yet, it’s not at all impossible to have a civil online debate anonymously. Coun. John O’Fee is in the midst of an informative back-and-forth with anonymous opponents on the water issue. Both he and those who disagree with him are providing rational, well-backgrounded arguments.

It’s when commenters pile rebuttal upon rebuttal upon rebuttal of the “you’re stupid,” “no, you’re stupid” variety that the whole exercise becomes unproductive.

Years ago, we ran a column by Judy Martin, who writes on etiquette under the pen name Miss Manners. She continues to be the go-to expert on all matters relating to politeness and rudeness.

A reader who got trashed by a blogger recently asked Miss Manners “how should one respond to rudeness?”

“Gentle Reader,” she began, as she always does. “Anyone who has a driver’s licence ought to know how to deal with belligerent strangers: Speed away as fast as you can. That is not to say that everyone out there is waiting to run you down. But some are. The proper response, Miss Manners assures you, is not to.”

I fear that’s exactly what happens when website comments on a particular issue are dominated by a few, and when those comments stray from the point in an offensive manner. People who would like to have a good debate instead speed away.

During the past week, we had 216 comments on The Daily News website. Well over half of them, 128, were posted by just a half-dozen nicknames.

As the days progressed, it was a seesaw race between Grouchy, BenDover and bigwindbag, but Grouchy edged ahead and won going away with 46 comments. BenDover was a length back with 33, and bigwindbag was a close third with 25.

Back in the pack were saywhat with 10, followed by Moonriver and Kamloops 2155 nose to nose at seven. Bigwindbag won the one-day sweepstakes, posting an admirable 16 comments in a single day.

I applaud the commitment of those who devote a good part of their personal time to furthering debate on important issues, and would ask one thing of them — do what you can to encourage more debate, rather than discourage it. I appeal to Grouchy, BenDover, bigwindbag, Moonriver and Kamloops 2155 to use your prominence in this cause.

As the Johnny Mercer song goes, “accentuate the positive,” at least in the way we respond to each other. “Don’t mess with Mister In-Between.”

Let’s bring civility back to the Internet one website at a time.

mrothenburger@kamloopsnews.ca